Ever since Katie tagged me the other day, I've been thinking a lot about which seven facts I wanted to share about myself. What would mean the most? What are the most essential things about me? Wait -- who am I?
Who I am is a big question, and it's not something I take lightly. The facts I've chosen to share are very important aspects of my life, and they're geared mostly towards the things I love, the people that make me happy, and the relationships that I feel define my person at this point in my life.
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1. I am technically the second oldest sibling out of five. I say technically because I have a twin sister who is older than me by two minutes. Did I mention that we're identical? And yes, I know, we don't look identical. But it really has more to do with this:
than it has to do with our appearance. Keep in mind, also, the wonderful technologies that provide my sister with a. her fake bake, b. her blonde hair, and c. her fashion sense.
I love my siblings and my family so much. They mean the world to me. Even after an eight hour shift, I would much rather scratch my little sister's back before she goes to bed than selfishly pass out asleep. It's those moments that I won't get back, or that won't even be plausible in years to come. My siblings bring me so much happiness, and I hope they know how much I love them. Yes, even you, Megan, in all your tanned and blonde-haired glory.
2. I have a wonderful boyfriend. His name is Jay, though I often refer to him as Bubbaloo. He has supported me, loved me, and cared for me throughout one of the most difficult times of my life.
He helps me grow stronger and become a better person every. single. day. When you open yourself up to someone and expose your vulnerabilities, or accept all faults regardless of what they may bring, you learn to love. I would've never made it through the months following inpatient without his support, without his warm, ever-present shoulder to lean on. He has given up too much for me, but he wouldn't have it any other way. And I hope he knows that my shoulder is always here, nevermind my impatience or often flighty responses. It is always here, I am always here. And no, I wouldn't have it any other way.
3. I am in recovery from an eating disorder. The diagnosis has changed and warped throughout the past 10 years, but what matters now is that I am recovering. It's taken me a long time to get where I am today. At the very least, my treatment has included three bouts of day treatment, three inpatient stays, and countless hours of therapy/outpatient programs.
I don't believe that I could've genuinely accepted recovery any sooner than I did. I believe that I had to get to a place of wanting for myself, and not for anyone else, better health, productivity, and happiness. I learned long ago that my eating disorder would only result in shame, pain, and frustration. But that knowledge wasn't cemented in my brain, or it simply didn't matter enough to me until last November, after I was hospitalized for low potassium. I had to seriously mature and grow to discover that this wasn't what I wanted:
Gross? Awful? Embarrassing? I remember being so terrified, and so out of my mind numb from all the abuse I'd put my body through. I honestly never could have imagined getting to where I am today, but I'm so happy that I have, and that my eating disorder isn't my life anymore.
4. My mother also suffers from an eating disorder. I watched her, from a young age, vomit into trash cans. I was also there when she had to get an iv for low potassium, several years before I'd even developed an eating disorder. She also suffers from borderline personality disorder and alcoholism, and these aspects of her, in addition to her eating disorder, have greatly severed our relationship. Up until last month, we hadn't been in contact for eight months. This was my choice, because in order to choose recovery and potentially succeed in my efforts, I knew I would have to break off our toxic relationship and relearn what is real, true, and right in terms of family. I love my mother dearly, and I hope that one day we can reach a point where there is less tension between us. But I now know that my sanity and my safety come first, and that I have to choose me -not her- from now on.
5. I love music, so much. When I was really into my eating disorder, I pretty much forgot about music, forgot about how wonderful it could be. With the help of Jay, and some itunes gift cards, however, I have rediscovered music and have also discovered some great bands. On my rotation you'll usually find The Everybodyfields, The Avett Brothers, The Tallest Man on Earth, Bon Iver, Brand New, and a slew of other artists. I also have a thing for Katy Perry. I don't know why, but "Firework" makes me cry. Every time I hear it.
I played piano for about four years. And I was actually really good. Again, my eating disorder took away all of my concentration/life, etc., and I haven't played for a long time now. The piano feels awkward beneath my fingers, and that in itself makes it unbearable for me try to play. To go from a Sonata to The Little Farmer? I just can't. Not right now, anyway.
6. I've been blogging for about five years, and I've been writing for about nine. I started off really geeky, writing Harry Potter fanfiction when I was eleven. I really enjoyed it, though, and it gave me an outlet to express myself. I soon moved on to myspace, and then livejournal, and then tumblr, and then blogger...you get the picture.
For some reason, it's always been very important for me to have an audience. I feel like I have more purpose when I know that someone is, or that someone could/might be reading. It's hard for me to write for myself, and I'm not sure why that is, because I get a lot of satisfaction out of writing and finishing a piece. My writing is something I definitely want to continue working on and improving. I am an English major, after all.
7. I really enjoy art and photography. I took a lot of art classes in high school and also some in college. I wanted to minor in art, but unfortunately the college that I transferred to doesn't have an art program! I was so disappointed when I found out. Even so, I hope it's something I can start working on outside of school. It does take a lot to motivate me sometimes, but when I get started on something, I really do enjoy it. Now if only I could find the proper space...
Film, 2009.
Charcoal, 2008.
And now that you know so much about me, I'll also let you know that I'm super nervous about starting school tomorrow! I have work right after my classes end, so I'll be going from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. Nervous. Scared. Not really excited. Not yet, at least.
Summer, despite being boring, was so incredibly relaxing and I'm very thankful that I had that time to myself. I know that with school and work will come stress and more stress, and I'm afraid that I'll revert to unhealthy coping mechanisms. I know that I've been doing really good lately, and that I should take it one day at a time. I just need to keep reminding myself that I am in a much better place than I was this time last year, and that things will be different. A new school, a new job. Support in terms of Bubbaloo and my therapist. I have so much more than I had last year, so much more to look forward to. My life is in my hands now, and I need to keep it there.
The storm passed without much adieu in my house. We all slept in the basement. My Dad kicked me off the aerobed and onto the couch, were I passed an hour in extreme discomfort. I finally settled on the floor and woke up several times throughout the night in cold sweats. I will probably never do that again, even if there is a hurricane.
I woke up groggy this morning, but still mentally prepared for my first day of work. Despite the rain, I arrived in time, even after a pit stop for gas. I clocked in and as instructed, bagged groceries for most of the morning. I learned a lot today, such as: some people don't want you to bag their groceries, A LOT of people on the mainline buy baked goods, and damn, that shit is expensive. Ok, no, I did learn some serious things. Such as: Whole Foods is probably one of the friendliest places to work. Nearly every employee I saw today greeted me and made me feel welcome, except for, you know, the seven foot tall British dude. Though he did ask me for a price check.
Examples of friendliness: one guy from the specialty/grocery department took pity on me and brought me some new chocolate to sample. The girls who saw me walk into the men's bathroom didn't stare at me and laugh in my face, but rather, they laughed with me and said that it was an easy mistake. Breathe, Kaitlyn, at least no men were actually in the bathroom at that time. Another important lesson: carts are a serious issue. It is not cool for one section of carts to be overflowing while the other is essentially empty. And last, but probably the most important lesson: be mindful of your break, and be sure to fuel yourself properly.
I packed a very lame salad of semi-brown iceberg lettuce with green pepper and diced tomato. No dressing. No fork. No protein? Big problem. I ended up buying a Larabar and a coffee after throwing away the disaster that was my lunch. And even though I didn't feel hungry throughout the entire day, (mostly due to the stress of being in a new situation), by five o' clock, I could feel the weakness in my limbs, and the dull fog of my brain, which cannot and would not function at 100% on a Larabar and coffee alone. So I grabbed the Sunchips sitting in my locker and munched ravenously as I pushed more carts around.
The only truly negative thing about my first day was my shoes. The awful, awful shoes that I had to endure today were a size too small. They scraped my heels and gave my toes blisters. I took a bath in scalding hot water tonight just to relieve the ache.
Lessons for next time: ask for new shoes, bring a proper lunch and snacks, and DON'T GO IN THE MENS RESTROOM.
Since I didn't have time to take pictures today, I'll share with you some apple art that's been sitting alone on my desktop, waiting to be shared with the world:
Almond butter and apples. Heaven on Earth. Especially when enjoyed in the company of Bubbaloo, who I have to thank so much for being there, for being great, and for helping me unwind after a long first day of work. Even if that involved incessant chatter regarding all the coupons and discounts I used to save $$ on my groceries today. I love you, Bubski.
We're all snuggled up in the basement, as snuggled up as we can be, waiting for the storm to pass. The tornado warning blares on the TV, scaring my siblings; Madison is praying. I went outside earlier, to retrieve my books from the car, and I walked through about an inch of water. Tree debris littered our driveway, blocking access to the street.
I wonder how long this will all last, the warnings, the rain, the insanity. I saw so many people out last night and today, celebrating as if it were their last chance to do so. We still have power. I'm still breathing, still blogging. Irene has taken the northeast by fear, mostly.
I called Whole Foods earlier today to see if the store would be closed tomorrow. The woman at customer service said they didn't expect to be very affected by the storm. So I guess we'll see. I just hope there won't be too much flooding when I have to drive there tomorrow.
I find rain the best weather to sleep in; it's almost mandatory in my book. So sleep, I will.
I guess we should be thankful we're only expecting 10 inches of rain, as opposed to that equivalent in snow! I could only imagine what that would be like. This was my deck just a few years ago after a massive storm:
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Be safe, all of you in the affected areas! See you on the flip side.
I decided last night that the first thing on my to-do list today would be to use my new-found abundance of free, fresh basil. We had some tomatoes in the fridge, as well as some fresh garlic cloves. The first thing that came to mind: bruschetta.
Ingredients:
1 1/2 beefsteak tomatoes
2 cloves fresh garlic, minced
6 fresh basil leaves, chopped
1 tbs. extra virgin olive oil
1 tsp. balsamic vinegar
salt and pepper, to taste
This recipe can easily be doubled, and placed atop toasted and lightly oiled slices of bread.
I opted to put it over salad.
Instructions:
1. Dice tomatoes and place into medium sized bowl.
2. In a food processor, mince garlic. Add basil to processor after garlic is mostly minced, and process until basil is coarsely chopped. Add basil and garlic to tomatoes.
5. Add olive oil and balsamic vinegar to tomato/basil/garlic, and combine thoroughly. Refrigerate until ready to use/serve.
The second thing that came to mind, when I noticed the two other leftover kaiser rolls sitting on the counter: croutons.
Ingredients:
2 semi-stale kaiser rolls
3 tbs. butter
3 tbs. extra virgin olive oil
4 cloves of garlic, minced
4 fresh basil leaves, chopped
Instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Cut your bread -not your thumb- into equal-sized cubes. Place into a large bowl.
3. In a food processor, mince garlic. Add basil to processor after garlic is mostly minced, and process until basil is coarsely chopped. (Does this sound familiar?)
4. In a small saucepan, add butter and olive oil, stirring to create a smooth mixture. Add minced garlic and basil, and cook for one minute. Stir until herbs are evenly distributed throughout butter/oil mix.
5. Pour butter/oil/garlic/basil mixture over chopped bread, and distribute as evenly as possible. I used my hands to toss the bread in the oil mixture, just because it was easier.
6. Place cubed bread onto a greased baking sheet.
Bake for fifteen minutes, turning over bread once with a spatula. Cool for ten minutes on paper towels, and enjoy!
I also advise you save the little crunchies! Perfect bag-to-mouth munchage.
My family loves croutons. My little sister Kara told everyone to stop eating croutons so we could save them for her dinner.
I used both the bruschetta and croutons to create my:
Fresh Bruschetta Salad with Garlic Basil Croutons.
Ingredients:
1 1/2 c. lettuce
2 oz. chopped green pepper
5 chopped baby carrots
5 slices balsamic-marinated cucumber
1/2 c. fresh bruschetta
1/2 c. garlic-basil croutons
dressing of choice
Top lettuce with pepper, carrots, cucumber, bruschetta, croutons, dressing, and serve! I didn't think this salad would need dressing, but after a few bites I topped mine with some of Newman's Own Creamy Caesar. It was quite a filling/delicious/basli-filled lunch!
*Disclaimer: I usually don't eat this many salads, but Kelly bought two heads of lettuce last weekend, in addition to fresh veggies, and I just couldn't let them go to waste!
a statement of the exact meaning of a word.
They don't love you like I love you.
Ingredients:
1/2 c. rolled oats
1 c. almond milk
spoonful of almond butter
drizzle of honey
dash of cinnamon
Instructions:
1. Combine rolled oats and almond milk in a small saucepan over medium heat.
2. Watch oats carefully, stirring every few minutes. It should take about five minutes for the oats to fully cook.
3. Pour into a bowl. Top with cinnamon, honey, and almond butter.
4. Cool for two minutes, and enjoy with immense delight.
